My Name's Not Monica

By nature, readers, I am usually a very patient person. I am a substitute teacher to children whose soul purpose in life is to torment me, and I am a babysitter for little children who like to get into things. Never once have I lost my temper with these kids.

Maybe it's just adults that I can't stand.

Five times this week, readers. Five times I have gotten a call on my personal cell phone from the same man asking for me to put Monica on the phone.

There is no one in my family named Monica.
I have never even met anyone named Monica.
My birth certificate definitely does not say Monica.

Yet this man continues to believe that my name is Monica.

I explain to him every time he calls that my name is not Monica, and I've gotten to learn that he does four key things before he hangs up.

• Step one: Man giggles, embarrassed.
• Step two: Man confirms that my name really is not Monica.
• Step three: Man apologizes and tells me he thought this was Monica. 
• Step four: Man thanks me, then says "God bless, sweetie." 
• Step five: Man hangs up.
• Step six: Man repeats steps one through five in approximately 24-36 hours.

 I'm not sure if he's doing this on purpose, but if so he's got some weird social problems. How you make the same mistake five times, I do not know. If you really want to talk to me that bad, be honest with me and say "I prank called you five times just so I could hear your voice." That way, I'll be creeped out just enough to file a restraining order. Right now I'm just confused.

I'm really starting to believe that my name might actually be Monica.

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