Holding the Door: Polite Gesture or Unpleasant Hindrance?

So, the other day I was walking up to a door and I was a fair distance away from it. The man about 40 or 50 feet ahead of me was just walking into the door and I was praying to God that he would not hold the door open for me. I was too far away. Sure enough, the man walks up to the door, looks way back at me, somehow decides that he'll still hold the door open anyway, and sure enough follows through.

This is nice and all; I really do appreciate when guys do this for me. It's very chivalrous. But come on, there's a point where you have to make your best judgment: Is this courteous or just plain painful for the two of us? I am about to make a statement that everyone I come across needs to know, memorize, and live out:

When I'm walking up to a door and I'm more than 10 steps behind you, please for the love of God, do us both a favor and do not hold the door open for me.

I end up having a mini panic attack when someone's waiting too far away from me with a door! A million thoughts go through my brain.

"Oh, no! He's holding the door. Crap. I'm about 50 feet away and there he is, just standing outside in 23 degree weather, holding a door open...just for me. I can't walk at a normal pace, or it might look like I'm taking my precious time while wasting his. I can't walk too fast or run because that's more work which negates the convenience of holding the door in the first place! I suppose I will just walk my normal pace, act like I don't know he's there, and then--once I finally arrive--I'll look up, completely surprised! Oh, wait. Now I have to brush up on my acting skills. What if he realizes that my performance is phony? Then I'll just look like a jerk. Dear God, please help me solve this problem."

And after dozens of times of this happening to me, I still have never once come up with a worthy solution.


So please, as wonderful and gentlemanlike as it is, if I'm too far away from you please spare us both the stress and let me open the door myself. If it makes you feel any better, I'll trip and fall once I get inside, and let you help me up. It's bound to be less embarrassing than the aforementioned situation.

Yours truly,
AJ

Be Kind But Don't Rewind
lovelymittens.blogspot.com

Things that don't make sense

Sometimes, late at night, I ponder things. Things that no one else probably ponders. Lately, I've come up with a few things in this world that lack sense. I'm about to share one of them with you in hopes that you can clear up my confusion.

Glasses make people look smarter.

Why is it that when I pass a person in the street and they're wearing glasses, I automatically assume they're smarter than the average person? Really, glasses are for people with bad eyesight. There is absolutely NO correlation between smart brains and bad eyes. None. Whatsoever. It's not like God decided to bless those cursed with bad eyesight and make it up to them in the brains department. I don't think He works that way. In fact, maybe we all have it wrong. Maybe those with bad eyes should have eaten their carrots at a young age. Maybe we should start to associate people with glasses to the type of people who disobeyed their mommies and daddies when they were little. Next time I see a person with glasses I'm so gonna prejudge him or her as a rebel child. It will give dorks a much better name and the whole world will turn around and be a better place. Guaranteed.

And by the way, I am almost positive that this blog will one day solve all of life's problems.