Charitable Harassment Ahead

So, I was peacefully driving down the street today, admiring the change in my little change drawer in my car, when I saw it.

The sign.

The sign that causes you an internal panic attack.
The sign that makes you wish you had tinted windows.
The sign that keeps you praying the light stays green.
The sign of doom:

Now, I'm not trying to say that I am against giving to charity. That is not the case at all. I'm just trying to say that I don't like giving to this charity for three reasons:

1) I have no idea what in the world the charity is even for.
2) I feel as if I am giving out of obligation.
3) I really, really need my toll change.

I mean, really people. Referring to point #2, the sign is even scary in itself. It's not friendly, or warm, or welcoming. It's warning you to get the change out and ready while subliminally threatening those who don't with those scary, bold, black, condemning capital letters of doom.

And the people collecting money are waiting at the red lights! How uncomfortable is that? It makes me pray to God that the light stays green or that I had tinted windows or something. Because once you're stuck at that red light, you're caught. The people are standing there, staring you down with their bucket filled of obligatory guilt-change and there's no turning back at that point. Especially if you're caught at the very beginning of the red light. Not giving these people your money will be the most uncomfortable 2 minutes and 42 seconds of your life. And you've gotta time yourself just right. There are people standing there for every 100 feet to make sure you don't get away with just sitting there keeping your change to yourself.

I'm just saying. It's scary. And the only way to get out of it is to give those people your money to a charity of who knows what, or you look like a jerk.

For not giving to some charity you're not even aware of.

I think next time I'm going to roll down my window and donate my two cents.

And I don't mean the copper kind.

A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes?

The other day I was making my bed and a song popped into my head: A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes. Has anyone ever heard this beautiful, heartwarming Disney song from Cinderella? If not, check out this snippet below:



After going over the lyrics in my head, I briefly zoned into dreamland as I thought about how beautiful the words are. I did, however, quickly zone back in as I realized how messed up this little theory is. A dream is a wish your heart makes!? I don't know about you, reader, but if this is the case, my heart is pretty messed up. Let me tell you why. Brace yourselves here, people:

The other day I dreamed that I was late to work because I was ordering food at Taco Bell.

So here's the conclusion I'm coming to. If this little hypothesis of Cinderella's is true, I honestly, truly, don't know whether to be proud of myself or feel downright pathetic that during my peaceful slumber my heart wishes to play hooky from work and eat some nasty takeout instead. I mean, it could have at least been lobster or filet mignon whilst on a date with a handsome man, or something to that extent. But my heart wishes for $5 takeout from the Taco Bell drive through?

 Let's see you sing a heartwarming, inspiring song about that, Cinderella.