Shut up! I'm harvesting tulips!

Okay, so I needed to write my views on current technology and the effect it has on us as human beings.

What ever happened to the good old days when you actually DID what you said you were doing? Let me explain. The other day, my sister Caitlin came home from work and all of a sudden, in the living room, I hear all of these farm noises. I'm pretty sure I heard a chicken, a cow, and a pig, all in the comfort of my own living room. Slightly distressed, I made my way out to the living room and politely asked Caitlin what the HECK she was doing.

She quickly responded, "Shut up! I'm harvesting tulips!"'

This caused 8 seconds of awkward as I stood, blinking my eyes. How can someone harvest tulips inside, on a couch, with a laptop?! The whole thing was simply absurd. Caitlin was indeed not harvesting tulips. She was playing a game called Farmville and she was artificially harvesting artificial tulips in an artificial garden!

This is how we should say these things from now on.

Another example. The other day I'm sitting in the living room and I hear my other sister, in the den, scream "MY POT ROAST IS BURNING!"

...This gave me a mini heart attack as a million different thoughts crossed my mind. Does she know HOW to cook pot roast? Is the pot roast for dinner? Mashed potatoes have to go with the pot roast, no question. Why did my mom let her cook the pot roast? ? Mmm, I haven't had pot roast in a long time. Are we going to have to go out for pizza now that the pot roast is burnt? Wait a minute why is my 13-year-old sister cooking a pot roast in the first place!?

After this rush of emotions, I realized that Erin was referring to the artificial pot roast she artificially cooked in an ARTIFICIAL CAFE. You don't understand the distress this caused me. I was now craving pot roast covered in pizza while trying to figure out which of my possessions I wanted to save in the burnt meat fire of death.

The other day we bought a Wii complete with the Wii Fit. Extreme sports in the living room; don't even get me started.

...I'm telling you. Technology messes you up. Big time. Take it from me. My siblings are able to harvest tulips, snowboard, and cook pot roast all in the same room at the same time. And you wonder why I'm messed up.